|
chewynate
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: nathan "chewy"
Birthday: 10/3/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: beach, poetry, hangin out, makin up words, ordering chinese with peeps rrom la escuela. ooo yea..
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/15/2004
|
|
| ive been experimenting with something recently. and i have realized
that girls can fall for me so easily online, but not once have really
fallen for me in person. whats up with that. lol. i know ill find
someone eventually but still. thats kinda odd
| | |
| life moves so fast, and im afraid im missing it.
| | |
| been awhile since my last update. ive been busy. lol, thank you viva
for staying loyal to my site and commenting every post. your the only
one who does now. anyways, got back from camp. it was awesome, and we
had the coolest cabin ever. we ruled. lol. every person there loved us,
we were the oldest boys cabin. there was this girl katie there. and she
was completely obsessed with me. constantly wanting to be by me, hold
hands, put my arm around her, kiss me, she wanted me to do her right
there. the thing is, she was clinging to a whole lotta guys. basically,
she just wants the attention. she doesnt actually care about me, she
just wants someone to do her. like the first week she loved my friend
mike fleet, he dumped her. she snapped and was cryin like crazy. i
comforted her, especially cause she wanted to cut herself again like
she used to do. and in the end, she was calmed a lot but she was like "
i just want to have sex with someone. would you do it?" lol. like im
nothing but a sex object. i mean c'mon, i know im sexy and am good at
it and everything, but i want more then just someone to do things with.
i want an actual relationship. so im glad im back. im tired of being
used. im worth more then that. i wouldnt have gone out with her
anyways, first off she was too clingy. 2nd, she was all over every
other guy as well. several people commented on that. 3rd, she actually
lives in tennessee. 4th, this goes along with the last reason, but i
know shed cheat on me and she wouldnt even care. she hit on my friend
billy, and he told her he was seeing someone. she said "so what" and he
said "that would sorta be cheating" and she said "so...." like she
didnt care. and if she doesnt care like that, and the fact she was
clinging to a lot of guys, i know it just wouldnt have worked. and then
i came back, and i found out viva isnt coming to america anymore. very
saddened i was. but i guess i wouldnt have seen her anyways. she was
supposed to stay with her bf's family in norwich and would only come to
groton to sleep over with katelyn. and im going on vacation for like
2.5 weeks next month, all that combined means i prolly couldnt have
seen her. however, i dont know if this is the reason, but she just
broke up with her bf. and i feel horrible about that. its not
easy.....i know. but of course since shes done that, she couldnt exact
stay with his family, so that may or may not have anything to do with
not coming. i dunno.still depressing though. but oh well, im still here
for her, no matter what. my 18th b-day party is coming up in les then 3
months, i dont know what to do for it at all. im clueless. its supposed
to be a big one though. so i was thinking just a normal one with maybe
1 or 2 friends if i can find some with my family, and then have the big
party later on away from my parents, since its bound to be wild.
lol. im tired and hott, so i think im gonna go for a swim. ttyl
peoplez.
| | |
| well, im done with school. im gonna be a senor. i should feel way more
excited about this, but somehow i dont. i have a bit of a complaint to
make. i mean, she prolly didnt even mean to do this, i just wanna point
this out. as you prolly know, last week was meagan palko's b-day. and i
went through hell and back so save up enough money to buy this cool
massaging shower head. i wrote her a poem on a huge b-day card i made.
i spent 5 hours making a giant rubber band ball. i gave her a stuffed
animal i won out of one of those machines. i gave her some stuff from
my childhood and stuff that had sentimental value to me, etc.... and i
got driven all the way down to her house to give her all this stuff.
and i read her xanga post about her b-day. and mentioned bascially
everything that happened on her b-day, and everybody that did something
for her on that day. everyone except me. she didnt mention me once.
now, im not trying to be all melodramatic or anything, but it kinda
hurt. cause i mean, she claims im her best friend and i know shes one
of mine. i think that might earn at least a small mention. oh well. im
not gonna cry over it. i mean, i just also wanna get this out. sadly
enough, i still liked her. i know i told her how i felt once, and it
backfired cause she only thought of me as a friend. and my friend
richard came up to her saying he liked her, and she said she also only
thought of him as a friend. next thing i know, they're dating and shes
saying "i wanna see where it would go" but she never thought that way
about me. and then shes dated all these other guys in the past as well,
after richard. and each one turns out to be bad for her. and i just sit
here and watch it happen. im not tryin to be a bad friend. im tryin to
let her live her life. i mean, if she really likes the guy and things
seem to go ok, then i support it, even if i still like her and it kills
me inside. i only care for her happiness. and now shes with brad and i
know she loves him. shes told me many times and said how she wants to
live with him and marry him. and i let her talk to me about it, cause
im trying to be a good friend. if im not good enough to be able to date
someone like her, which im really not- cause shes better then even she
knows- she really is. im not trying to make her come out like a bad
person in this post, cause shes really one of the greatest people i
know. i dunno. i think its just jealousy for me, cause though i wisdh
her happiness and dont want her to get hurt, i also dont want her
relationships to work out secretly. and i know that its just jealousy,
and i dont truly feel that way. and i feel like a horrible person cause
whenever shes through with someone, i try and comfort her but some part
of me is like "yes! this might be my chance!" and i feel horrible about
that. but i think im slowly coming to realize that its just never ever
gonna happen between me and her. first, she loves brad too much, and i
dont wanna stand in the way of that. also, i know she just thinks of me
as a friend, and i know she prolly wont ever change in that aspect of
thinking. if i cant be her bf, thats fine, i would at least like to be
her best friend, which she claims i am. but after that post, im not so
sure. all these thoughts and feelings have been coursing though me for
many months now, and it feels pretty good to let it out. im sorry, meg.
you and brad seem good together, and i hope everything works great. i
just cant help the way i feel, even if i know that i just cant go in
the same direction as those feelings. oh well. have a great summer
people!
| | |
| so this is my last week of school. i dont have to go to schoo monday
cause i dont have finals on that day. so yay. tomorrow is meagan's
b-day. HAPPY
B-DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyways, life hasnt been all that exciting lately. besides that whole
bus accident thing that made front page on the paper, and the no-hitter
at the big game at yale stadium to win our school the class LL state
championship which was also in the paper, and the 18 page history essay
i typed up, and my gay childrens lit final i had to do. absolutely
nothing. viva is comin down soon. im really excited about that . create
some new memories.  what
else.....umm..................any female wanting to go on a roadtrip
next summer with me and some friends to go white water rafting in the
grand canyon is more then welcome to come. see me for details. and
umm....thats about it. for now
| | |
|
|
